The Perfect Union

Nine years ago I married my wife. I can’t imagine the way my life would be if I had not. It is incredible how positive of an impact she has bestowed upon my life. I hope I might be lucky enough to do the same for her. When younger fellas ask me for advice on relationships (which is odd that I would be asked that given my track record with women before my wife), I tell them to look for two traits. The first is kindness, the second is intelligence. If she possesses both, you are in luck. If she is kind but not intelligent you will not be satisfied ultimately in conversation nor will you get the benefit of partnering with someone you can consult with, plan for the future with, make decisions with, or grow as a person yourself. If she is intelligent but not kind, watch out, she will ruin you. Luckily my wife is kind and intelligent, actually kinder and more intelligent than me overall. This is why my life is better with her.

I can’t give advice for women seeking men. My observations are that many chase men who aren’t interested in them, or they make commitments to men who can’t, or won’t, commit back. Traits are hard to pinpoint. Maybe women should look for kindness and intelligence in men too. In our culture this is known as a “nice guy.” I am a nice guy, or at least I try to be, but nice guys finish last in some respects. It is better as a man to work to develop deep character and establish values that resonate with yourself and maybe this is what women should look for in a man. But how does one identify that yearning to be more, do better?

One value the world seems to embrace now is to “live authentically.” Maybe I’ll explore that more in another post because of how difficult it is to do. When you live authentically you bring to bear your entire person. I try to live authentically and really showcase who I am as a person, warts and all. Interestingly enough, I think it makes you feel braver in the world. I actually thought about this today. When I admit the things that scare me, the doubts I have, what’s giving me anxiety, I tend to work through them easier. I’ve also found when I’m honest about them, other people are feeling them too. In the end we are all different yet the same.

My wife is very authentic and is authentically good. I’ve never seen her slip up and show a side that made me doubt it. Even when we first dated, for that year even, I waited for her bad side to come out but it never did. She is deep down a good person. She is my better half in the truest sense of that phrase. I’m not sure what I would do without her. I know I would never date again. My feeling is if I got it right once, there’s no reason to try and get it right again.

I had a great uncle, who after his wife passed away started bringing a platonic female friend around. I was always told they were just friends, but she was always at holidays and always around. At the time, I didn’t believe it and thought maybe they were romantic but just not being open about it. Later I understood though, he was in love with his dead wife but did not want to be lonely. No one wants to be lonely. It is the greatest affliction of mankind. Jesus thought so too and relieving loneliness is a huge part of his ministry. Why else would he ask that you visit those in prison? I understand now, but only because I got to experience love and this, above all things, ranks as my greatest accomplishment in life.